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How to Resolve a Disagreement with a Colleague

Workplace conflicts do more than cause stress among the people in conflict; that stress can spill into other relationships at work and affect the atmosphere of the whole office. It’s important that all employees learn how to resolve a disagreement with a colleague.

conflict resolution tips

When you encounter disagreements, try these tips to help resolve conflicts and bring peace back to your workplace:

1. Remember that most disagreements are a perceived problem. One person expected that the other would act, react, or respond in a particular way. When the expected response wasn’t given, the first person feels annoyed, slighted, frustrated, or angry.
   • The person you have a disagreement with is not the problem. Can you explain to someone not involved what the conflict is about without blaming the other person?
   • Gather each person involved in the disagreement, plus someone who can act as a mediator, and discuss the issue at hand. Brainstorm together and try to find a number of solutions for the problem. Write down all the solutions you discuss.
   • Instead of attacking the person, attack the common problem. Go back to the solution list and analyze each possible solution until you reach one that will benefit both parties.

2. Address conflicts as soon as possible. Allowing a conflict to continue will only worsen it. Conflicts are bound to happen when groups of people work closely together. The trick is to stop the process before it has a chance to snowball into something more.
3. Never assume that people act a particular way or say something just to annoy you. They may not have realized their action, inaction, or speech affected you the way it did. If in doubt, ask the person to clarify their actions rather than assuming why they did it.
4. If you’re not involved in the problem, avoid taking sides. Instead, look for common ground that both parties share. Finding common ground on as many things as possible will help both parties see that they aren’t so different after all.

This will pave the way for finding a solution that both can be satisfied with. Similarities don’t have to be only work related; however it would be better if they were. At this point, find and write down anything that you can think of that is shared between the people involved in the conflict.

5. Use specific, appropriate terms when talking things out. Coming in five minutes late regularly is much different than never being present for meetings. Be sure to use facts to back up statements rather than making generalities.
6. Focus on finding a solution to the problem. Don’t keep re-hashing what happened over and over until emotions get riled up again. By keeping the focus on the present, it will keep communications from becoming heated or destructive.
7. Take the high road and apologize, even if you don’t feel that the conflict is your fault. You can still apologize for your part in the disagreement. It’s not necessary for you to take the entire blame, but you do share a certain amount of responsibility.

Resolve conflict through calm discussion

Your best bet in resolving a disagreement with your colleague is to sit down calmly, with a mediator, and discuss the perceived problem. Allow each person to speak without interruption.

Working together to find a mutually beneficial solution and resolution to the conflict is not only in the best interest of each party, but it’s also in the best interest of the workplace.

• How to Handle Difficult Conversations (0)
• How to Diffuse Conflict Effectively (0)

Handling Difficult Conversations with Positive Statements

Difficult conversations can be extremely draining. No matter how hard we may try, there’s just no way to avoid some difficult conversations. However, there are positive things you can say and do to help you handle them better.

Your first response may be to change the subject when faced with a difficult discussion. This won’t solve the problem or heal the hurt that caused the situation in the first place. It’s better to take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and face the difficulty now rather than later.

Remember it’s not your job to fix the situation unless you were directly involved. People sometimes just need a friend to listen when they’re going through tough circumstances. T hey really don’t want you to fix things for them.

Being available to listen is sometimes the best way to show your friend that you care.

If the situation requires you to talk with someone going through difficulties, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What would you want a friend to say to you if you were in that situation? In all likelihood, they would like to hear the same thing.

Positive ways to handle difficult conversations

1. Try to help them identify the problem they’re facing. Maybe they’re upset over something that’s not related to the perceived problem. Listen to your friend as they talk, trying to ask questions to help them determine the real problem.
2. Avoid acting like you know what will happen next. If your friend’s going through a difficult time in a relationship, don’t tell them everything will work out. Instead, tell them “I’m available to you whenever you want to talk.”
3. Ask general questions rather than expecting them to answer questions they may not be ready to answer. “How’s it going?” is a better question than asking them if they’ve moved out of their home after a breakup. Let them bring up additional topics when they feel comfortable doing so.
4. Refrain from judging. Rather than saying you’ve never trusted a particular company when your friend has just lost a large sum of money, you might want to ask, “Is there anything I can do to help?” Most likely they’ll tell you no, but will appreciate your asking.
5. Your similar situation isn’t the same as theirs. While it may be true that you’ve lost a job or a pet, it’s not the same thing as losing a loved one. Try to encourage your friend to think about the good times rather than their loss.
6. Acknowledge your friend’s feelings. “I understand that you were hurt by what they said. I would be hurt, too” is better than telling your friend, “There’s no reason to be upset about that.” Acknowledge and validate their feelings, and they’ll feel better.
7. Think about what your friend needs most. It may be to have someone tell them “I love you”. Try to be alert to your friend’s unspoken needs. Be reassuring when possible regardless if your friend has spoken a need or not.
8. Let others know you understand their point of view. Telling someone, “This sounds important to you” doesn’t mean you’ll go along with what they want, but at least you acknowledge what they believe to be the best solution.
9. Stay focused on the problem and don’t get dragged into a fight. If they verbally attack, don’t take the bait. “I see you’re upset, and I’m sorry. Maybe we should take a few minutes for each of us to calm down.”

Focus on listening

It’s important to remember that no matter what the difficult situation happens to be, it’s better to listen more than talk. When you do talk, use the positive statements you find here to help you handle the conversation in a supportive and caring way.

• How to Diffuse Conflict Effectively (0)
• Conflict Resolution: How to Resolve A Disagreement With a Colleague (1)

“Diffusing Conflict Effectively”

Conflict – even the word can make your stomach tighten into knots. If there’s conflict around you, whether it directly involves you or not, you may not be able to do your best work. If the conflict is on a personal level, it can affect your home life as well as what happens on the job.

Conflict resolution is a skill

Effective conflict resolution is a skill that everyone can benefit from learning.

Most conflict occurs because someone doesn’t respond to another’s actions in the expected manner. There may be differences of opinion, or a need is not being met. Despite attempts to avoid a conflict, it may not always be possible.

When conflict occurs, here are some proven techniques you can use to help you diffuse the conflict and find a resolution:

Diffusing the Conflict

1. Break the tension. Do something completely out of character to break the tension. Laughter can go a long way toward diffusing conflict.

   Don’t expect it to solve the whole problem. However, it will give you a chance to take a break from the anger so you can gather your thoughts, cool down, and begin to work toward a solution.

2. Adhere to company policy. If the problem is at work, refer to company policy. While a company may not consider every possible issue in their handbook, it may address many common problems. Using the company policy as a guideline prevents claims of favoritism.
3. Act quickly. If at all possible, avoid putting off the conflict for a more convenient time. Allowing conflict and ill feelings to remain will only serve to make your office or home stressful. It’s best to deal with it immediately.

Finding a Resolution

1. Identify the problem. T his is the first step to resolving a conflict effectively. You’re not likely to solve a problem if you have no idea what it is. To determine what the problem is, talk calmly and listen to each other without judgment.
2. State your needs. It’s quite possible the person who’s angry doesn’t really know what the problem is. Each person should write down any needs that aren’t being met.

Do they expect a raise they haven’t received? Maybe they’re not getting enough sleep. Are they dealing with a long-term illness in their family? V oicing their needs may reduce some of their anger.

3. Clarify your understanding. Once the problem is identified, it’s time to start communicating with the “drive through” method:
• One person describes their side of the issue and expresses their feelings
• The other person repeats back to them what they understood of their description
• Then the first person may add more information, explanation, or clarification
• When the first person has said everything he or she needs to say, it’s the other person’s turn
• They repeat the process with the second person describing their side of the issue

4. Find a solution. Now that you know what’s bothering the other, you can work on resolving the conflict. It’s planning time.

Ask questions: What can be done so that both people are satisfied with the outcome? How can we work together to fix this problem? If we cannot resolve the issue right away, what can we do to work toward a resolution?

When both people are more intent on finding a solution rather than arguing or fighting, you’re more likely to find a solution both can be comfortable with.

5. Follow through. Be sure to follow through with the steps necessary to solve the initial problem.

If the plan is not adhered to as agreed upon, you take a chance of the old problem reappearing. You also increase the possibility of one person feeling like they were just being placated.

Conflict resolution is tricky business

The key is in diffusing conflict effectively and quickly. The sooner the conflict is diffused, the sooner you can work on a resolution that is a win-win proposition for everyone involved.

• How to Handle Difficult Conversations (0)
• Conflict Resolution: How to Resolve A Disagreement With a Colleague (1)